I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Let's get the cat blown out
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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