just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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