Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
