is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
