i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
