I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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