i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
