i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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