he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
