my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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