dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
