You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
