So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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