Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize