so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
