hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
