Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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