Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
