I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize