Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
