You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
