I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
