I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
50% drunk capacity currently
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
