is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
