fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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