As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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