I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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