I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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