Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
