trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
