he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Randomize
