You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
