My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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