He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
