I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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