my room smells like sperm. sweet.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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