names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
