It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
