i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
