the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
