The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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