She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
