She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
