i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
