Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
