a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I didn't notice because vodka
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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