I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
