Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
