They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
