gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
