Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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