and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
we're so committed to being not committed
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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