Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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