my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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