The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
