ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
