So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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