I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
