I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
