I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
