i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
