Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
