I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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