im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
