There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
