bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
