We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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