How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
