Pappa wants mamma naked
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
