and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
