I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
