Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
